Jenelle Evans & David Eason: We’ve Been Married For 3 Horrible Years!
We don’t often say this, but Jenelle Evans is right about something:
She says no one understands why she’s still married to David Eason … and yeah, we really can’t argue with that!
Jenelle and David are one of those couples who have to overcompensate for the fact that they break up once a week by making grand public gestures on their anniversary.
Evans and Eason have been married three years this week — and Jenelle has been reminding her fans of this fact every single day.
Of course, it was less than a year ago that Jenelle filed for a restraining order against David and moved to another state to get away from him.
That seems like the sort of thing that would hit the reset button on a relationship, but they never actually got divorced, so we suppose Jenelle and David have technically been married for three years.
Anyway, Jenelle marked the occasion by posting a schmaltzy montage of video clips shot at various points in her relationship.
She left out the moments we remember most — the times when David murdered her dog or broke her collarbone — in favor of times when the two of them actually smiled in one another’s presence for two or three seconds.
“No one will ever understand our relationship, but that’s ok.. I don’t expect them to. Here’s to 3 years married!” Evans captioned the post.
She later added:
“Everyone thanks for the kind response! I have no idea where that intro is from! I imagine maybe Johnny Cash or something?”
(It took us about three seconds to google the voice-over and determine that it’s Albert Finney from the movie Big Fish, followed by Anthony Hopkins from Meet Joe Black, but whatevs.)
We’re not sure why Jenelle was so overwhelmed with the response.
As usual, the top comments on her post are overwhelmingly negative:
“Girl u don’t even know what true love is and that’s sad!” one person wrote.
“It’s no OnEs BuSiNeSs – posts whole relationship on tv and online,” another added, in a perfect summation of Jenelle’s online persona.
“All she cares about is Dave screw her kids,” a third commenter chimed in.
One person got straight to the heart of the matter, asking, “How many of those three were you together?”
And another follower delivered one of our favorite Jenelle commensts of all time, writing:
“I can’t wait for the boys to be grown… and give back to dear old step daddy what they got.”
Yes, it is satisfying to imagine adult Jace and Kaiser whupping David’s prematurely aged ass in retribution for all the abuse they were forced to endure growing up.
Unfortunately, that’s still quite a few years away.
We might have to endure a dozen more anniversary videos and a about 300 more Jenelle-David breakups before that glorious day of retribution arrives.
So in a way, this is a happy occasion.
We can’t bring ourselves to wish Jenelle and David a happy anniversary, as their relationship has brought so much misery to so many.
But we can celebrate the fact that each passing year brings them closer to the punishment they so richly deserve!
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